An X-treme Adventure
by Sakurazuka Lilly
Summary: The X bishies become the crew of a pirate ship and end up lost on a desert island. Lots of insanity.


An X-treme Adventure 

By: Lilly and Ashuri 

_This is a piece of random insanity thought up by Ashuri and me during one of the insane chats we had. Yeah, I have I LOT of free time. Ohohohohohoho!!!!!!! Anyways, expect lots insanity, OOCness, shounen-ai references, ice cream, insanity, not a lot of angst, did I mention insanity ? And fear Keiichi, he'll be scary._

_Disclaimer: X, and all its characters belong to _CLAMP. _Kunou belongs to _Takahashi Rumiko,_ and the ice cream references come from the mini-comic _Frozen Treats _by Kouri Arashi._

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"Kamui is mineeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!" Fuuma yelled throwing the first he had at hand, which happened to be a lifesaver to Subaru. Subaru dogded and threw a pebble in Fuuma's eye, effectively poking it out. Fuuma touched his now blinded "Ouch!" The Sumeragi looked at his fingernails as if he had no cares in the world. "That's what you get for poking people's eyes out and molesting Kamui." Seishirou came a patted Fuuma's shoulder "Look at the bright side, now you look more like me." The teenager winced, "And who wants to look like you ? Oh wait, Subaru here actually wanted to look like you. That's why I poked out his eye." 

Kamui looked at all three and giggled. "You know, being in this ship, you guys look like pirates." Three one-eyed glares turned to him. "If we're pirates, then you're the first mate !" Kamui got stars in his eyes, "Wai! I get to swab the deck!" The three men ignored Kamui as he they tried to growl pirate-style. "Arrrrrr!!!" 

Suddenly the atmosphere of the ship became eerily... genki. Keiichi jumped into the scene wearing a big, genki grin on his face. "Guess what ? I'm a crew member now too Shirou-kun !!!!!! We can swab the deck together !!!!! Let's all sing !!!" Keiichi took a microphone out of nowhere and began to sing 'Life is Wonderful' and other random songs while he swabbed the deck. "Yo ho ho and a bottle o' rum!" he sang while the rest sweatdropped and ran to throw themselves overboard. 

"Hey! Guys! Catch this!" Keiichi threw a, single, lifesaver to the four bishounen in the water. "Uh, Segawa-kun. In case you didn't notice, that was a candy Lifesaver." Kamui yelled to his friend as Fuuma ate the said candy. "I'll save you guys! Don't worry!" the blond boy threw himself into the water to save them. The four in the water sweatdropped, "Segawa-kun no baka! How will you save us if now you're in the water too!" Subaru yelled as he tried to whack Keiichi in the head. "Oops." was the only reply he got. 

After a moment, during which the five men in the water thought how to get back on the ship, a shark fin appeared. Kamui, Subaru, and Keiichi panicked, Fuuma and Seishirou looked bored. That's it until the 'shark' revealed its identity, which turned out to be Kanoe. "Ohohohohohohohoho !!!! Wet crew members of the 'S.S. Ohohohohohoho!' You're mine !!!!!" After that the five of them went into panic mode. "SAVE US !!!!!!" 

Then another shark fin appeared next to Kanoe. This shark turned out to be Tatewaki Kunou, the Blue Thunder [Blunder ?], senior from the Furikan High School in Nerima district. He looked at Kanoe and immediately captured her in a glomp. "A beautiful woman !!!!! I shall save thee from these fiends !!!!!" he dragged a screaming Kanoe off to the sea. 

Meanwhile, the crew members managed to reach a beach on a desert island, while Kanoe's fading screams are heard in the distance. Keiichi gets up from laying face-down on the sand and looks around. "Ooooooh !!!!! Now we can be like that, Robison Family or something !!!" The other four, who had just started to stand up fell over. Keiichi kept on ranting dreamily, "And have a legion of chimps come to our command as we build a house out of coconuts and live off the land !!!!!" The pirates and Kamui blinked at him. "Chimps ?" Keiichi giggled genkily. "Yeah, you know chimps. Cute monkies!...lets hope none of them have rabies though." Seishirou stood up from where he'd fallen over. "I'm or at least was, a vet, i know how to handle rabid chimps." he said without thinking. "GREAT! Sei is in charge of our chimp servants! Keiichi will collect coconuts !!!!" Keiichi said giggling genkily. 

The other three also picked themselves up from the floor and looked around. Fuuma noticed there was a beautiful beach. "So i get to lay around sexily on the beach ?" he asked Keiichi, who'd apparently taken the leadership of the group. "Hai" "Cool!" Fuuma took his shirt off and proceeded to lay sexily on the beach, which got him stares from Seishirou and a nosebleed from Kamui. 

Keiichi turned over to Subaru, the only currently unoccupied member of the crew. "Now, Subaru you go and stand of angsty-like to the side !!!! Make sure the wind blows in your eyes! Drama, people! Drama!" the omnyouji sweatdropped but did as the overly genki boy said. "Let the wind get your hair too !!!!" Seishirou, Fuuma and Kamui sweatdropped. Falling over and massive sweatdropping seemed to be the general reaction to anything the blond said or did. 

And apparently the boy wasn't out of ideas yet. "Can you recite a poem ?" he asked. The other four fell over, "Poem ?" Keiichi jumped around. "Hai !!!!! Like... Once I knew a man from... well, you know that one. And I'll be in charge of making us cute outfits !!!!" he giggled like a schoolgirl [boy ?]. Kamui looked horrorized at the mention of outfits. "Noooooooooo !!!!!!!" Subaru just shrugged, "Can't be worse than what my sister Hokuto-chan made me wear." Keiichi grinned "Awww, but I have this cute Sailor girl look for you !!!!!!!" Subaru panicked. "SAVE ME!!!!!" The genki boy glared at him. "Stand ANGSTY !!!!" then he smiled again at the rest of the crew. 

"I'm glad I'm a dead man." Seishirou whispered to Fuuma and Kamui, who whispered back "Lucky you." Keiichi of course heard. "You're dead?? o_O ZOMBIE! ...Anyway, doesn't matter." Fuuma looked at Keiichi and grinned. "Yup, he died a while ago, at the hands of angst man here." he said patting Subaru's shoulders, who was busy standing angsty again. Keiichi wasn't scared. 

"Oh well, we still need our coconuts." he said, just a shower of coconuts fell over his head. Seishirou and Fuuma exchange a look with each other at the mention of coconuts, thinking perverted thoughts. "Mmm... coconuts..." Kamui's panics and Subaru just rolls his eyes at them. "Perverts." Then everyone hears the thunk of coconuts hitting Keiichi's head. "KEIICHI !!!!!" they yell, running to him. 

The blond was apparently unphased and unhurt. "Yes ?" Kamui rolled his eyes at him. "I knew he was hard headed, but geez..." Subaru came by and bonked Keiichi in the head. "Yup, you're right. He's hard headed." Keiichi blinked. "What ?" Kamui and Subaru sweatdropped. "No, nothing, Segawa-kun." Keiichi blinked again and then shrugged and smiled. 

Meanwhile Seishirou and Fuuma were picking up coconuts. "Anyone knows how to make coconut ice cream ?" the Sakurazukamori asked to the rest of the crew. Kamui panicked again. "Hmm, I think I watched that on Emeril once..." Subaru answered thoughtfully. "So did I !!!!! He kicked it up a notch !!!!!" Keiichi said as he got up from under the coconut mess. "Wanna help us make ice cream Keiichi-kun ?" Fuuma asked with an evil smile. "FUUMA !!!! Can't you think of anything ELSE !!!!! We're like STUCK on an ISLAND !!!!!" Kamui yelled, obviously still scared at the thought of ice cream. "HAI !!!!! And um, no ?" the genki boy replied to Fuuma's and Kamui's questions. "Don't you think this will be fun Kamui ?" Fuuma asked, giving the younger boy a weird look. Kamui sighed. "I shoulda stayed in the Kanoe infested waters..." 

Suddenly the atmosphere became tense again. "Did anyone mention Kanoe ?" Kanoe and Kuno were back from whever they had been. Subaru and Kamui terrorized, while Fuuma, Seishirou, and Keiichi were still too busy fantasizing about ice cream to notice. Kuno and Kanoe blinked and then pointed at the ice cream trio. "What's with them ?" Kuno asked. "You don't want to know...you just...don't." Kamui answered shaking his head. Subaru started whistling the 'Twilight Zone' music. Kamui, Kuno, and Kanoe sweatdropped. "What ? I thought it'd add to the effect." the omnyouji defended himself. The weirdo pair fall over [each other] and Kamui bonks Subaru in the head. Subaru grumbled and the weirdos run off to a nearby cave. 

Kamui shuddered. "Ewwwww, the mental images." Subaru agreed with Kamui, "The noises are getting to me as it is." And meanwhile, the ice cream trio were still happily in ice cream land. "I don't know about you Subaru, but I'm finding away out of here before they sacrifice me to some ice cream deity!" The Sumeragi nodded. "I'm with you, wanna build a raft ?" The violet eyed boy sighed. "Yeah! But what out of? Coconuts and twigs don't sound extremely promising...hey...are they still in a daze?" He goes over to Fuuma and flicks him on the nose. "He's stiff as a board... I HAVE AN IDEA THAT WILL CAUSE THEM BODILY HARM, BUT I DON'T CARE !!!!" Kamui yelled suddenly, leaving Subaru half-deaf. "What ?" Kamui cackled evily. "we tie them together with your trenchcoat and use THEM as a raft!" he cackled some more. Subaru sighed in thought. "He's finally gone off the deep end..." 

He was about to tell Kamui it was a bad idea when he noticed two things he had forgotten: the noises from the cave and 'ice cream...' chant coming from their companions. "So, sound like a good idea ?" Kamui asked. Subaru nodded and yelled in panic "Let's get OUT of HERE !!!!!!" Subaru took off his trenchcoat and the other boy used it to tie the ice cream trio together, throws them out to the sea, and hops onto them. The three guys were facedown in the water, but due to laws of insanity, are not drowning. Then Subaru jumps onto the human raft as well. 

"Homeward BOUND !!!!!!" Kamui exclaimed happily. Subaru sighed and took the microphone Keiichi had pulled out earlier. "Will we all live happily ever after ? Will Kanoe and Kuno have strange perverted offspring ? Will we ever have coconut ice cream ?" Kamui sweatdropped and Subaru asked "What ?" Kamui just shook his head. The omyouji patted him on the head. "Aww too many emotions for one day ?" he asked. The boy nodded and pouted cutely. 

Finally the human raft reached the familiar coast of Japan. Kamui gets starry eyed, jumps off, and dances. "HOME !!!!! Life is wonderful !!!!" he kissed the ground. Subaru sweatdropped. The other three finally got out of their daze and realize their faces are on the sand. "Ewwwww." Kamui just kept kissing the ground until he kisses a wad of gum. "Ewwwww." Subaru was suddenly victim of a massive sweatdrop. "Am I the sanest one here ?" 

Kamui started singing the Kelly Wright song and dancing. "I just wanna live in Tokyo..." Subaru fell over. "I guess that's a yes. Ah the memories I'll have in my old age." Seishirou blinks. "Huh ? Where are we ?" Ignored. "Did anyone else dream of naked leprhicauns chasing marshmallow bunnies ?" They all stopped for a moment and looked at Fuuma. "I did !!!!!!!" Keiichi. "AHA !!!! I'm not alone !!!!!" Everyone takes a step back from them, while Keiichi glomps Fuuma. 

Subaru starts looking off into the distance, looking cute. "And yet...another adventure I survive...my friends...my enemies... A dramatic wind blows. "Do I count as friend, enemy, or fiend ?" Seishirou asked. "I'd say a combo." Subaru answered thoughtfully. "Well I don't know about you suckers, but this taught me one valuable lesson !!!!" Kamui piped up from behind the center of the group. "What ?" everyone asked, while Seishirou blinks at Subaru's answer. "Life is short! I'm getting a car, going to go over my credit card limit, ditch school, and get a super model girlfriend! SEE YOU SUCKERS LATER !!!!! ! He runs off cackling. A massive sweatdrop from the others. "And we all thought he was gay." 

Suddenly Kamui is hit by a random flying coconut. "Pink bunnies..." he says as he faints. The rest ran to him. "MINEEEEEEE !!!!!!!!" Kamui wakes up and looks at the guys, "My ice cream senses are tingling. Ahhhh !!!!!!!" He runs away from them, while they chase him, yelling 'Cherry!!!!!'. Kotori appears out of nowhere. "And thus, Kamui's adventures continue... Kamui..." Fuuma steps on her and continues chasing Kamui. Kamui cries. "Why me ?" Fuuma answers his question. "Because you're the cute cherry !" The boy thinks and comes with an answer for his problems. ": ...wait...I know...how to free myself from all this!!!! Magical CLAMP powers!" He changes into...Card Captor Sakura* "NO! This isn't what I wanted!!!" he cried. The men feel disappoined. "Dang! He turned himself into a GIRL!!!" 

Kamui takes advantage of the oportunity to run away, until... Tomoyo appears and glomps him. "SAKURA-CHAN! I've been looking all over for you! Come on, I have the greatest costume for you !!!!!!" Kamui cries. "why me...are you some kind of Keiichi incarnate?" He keeps crying as he's dragged off into the distance... 

The End.  
  
  
  



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